Will I Ever Drink Again?

Why I stopped planning a future with alcohol in it

May 02, 2026

When I was trying to figure out my sobriety, I joined an online men’s community called I AM A COMEBACK. It was a strong group of guys who emphasized personal responsibility and ownership over your life. I got a lot out of being part of that community, and it helped shape how I think about sobriety today.

One idea that came up in that group stuck with me, although not in the way it was intended. The suggestion was that every man should have a future scenario where he would drink again. For some, it was the day they retired. For others, it was a major milestone like making their first million. Some mentioned something deeply personal, like their daughter’s wedding. The idea wasn’t about falling back into old habits. It was about imagining a controlled, meaningful moment where alcohol could be reintroduced in a healthy way.

At the time, I understood the appeal of that thinking because it connected to something I was already feeling. Even outside of that framework, I found myself asking a similar question. Will I ever drink again? Not because I wanted to drink in that moment, but because I was trying to picture a future where I had a normal relationship with alcohol. A version of me who had figured it out. Someone who could have one drink, enjoy it, and move on without it becoming anything more.

What I Was Really Thinking About

Looking back, I can see that I wasn’t really thinking about alcohol itself. I was thinking about control. I was trying to imagine a future where the rules were different for me, where I could engage with something that had been a problem without it becoming one again. It was less about the drink and more about proving something to myself.

I was trying to imagine a future where I could engage with something that had been a problem without it becoming one again.

For a while, that question kept a small door open. I wasn’t drinking, but I also wasn’t fully closing the loop. There was always a version of the future where things might change, where I might be able to return to alcohol under the right circumstances. And while that didn’t derail my sobriety, it kept part of my thinking tied to something I was trying to move beyond.

What Changed

What changed for me wasn’t a sudden decision. It was a clearer understanding of my own pattern. When I drank, I didn’t stop at one. I told myself I would, over and over again, but that promise never held. It wasn’t about a lack of discipline in other areas of my life. It was something specific to alcohol. I had what I’ve come to think of as a broken off switch. Once I started, I didn’t reliably stop.

That realization didn’t happen overnight. It happened through repetition. Through years of telling myself the same story and watching it play out the same way. Eventually, on May 16, 2022, I stopped trying to prove that I was the exception and accepted that this was simply how it worked for me.

A Different Answer

Once I accepted that, the question itself started to lose its meaning. It wasn’t something I needed to revisit or leave open for the future. It became something much simpler and more grounded in reality.

There is no scenario I can imagine where alcohol improves the moment.

There is no scenario I can imagine where alcohol improves the moment. Not a celebration, not a milestone, not even a difficult situation. When I think about my daughters, who are the reason I got sober in the first place, the idea of drinking at one of the most important moments in their lives doesn’t feel like a reward. It feels like a step away from everything I’ve built.

Even when I try to imagine worst-case scenarios, moments where everything feels like it’s falling apart, I can see clearly now that alcohol wouldn’t fix anything. It wouldn’t make those moments easier to navigate. It would only make them harder.

None for Me

That doesn’t mean the question itself is wrong. I think it’s completely natural to wonder about it. To imagine a future where things are different. To test the idea of having a normal relationship with alcohol again. For a lot of people, that thought is part of the process. It was for me.

But the answer, at least for me, didn’t come from debating the question or trying to manage it. It came from looking honestly at my own experience without trying to rewrite it.