There Was Nothing Spontaneous About My Sobriety
What Looked Sudden Took Years
Lately, I’ve been seeing the phrase spontaneous sobriety more often. It’s used to describe a moment when someone suddenly loses the desire to drink without much explanation. No intervention. No dramatic rock bottom. One day they’re drinking, and the next, they’re not.
For a long time, I described my own sobriety that way.
On May 16, 2022, I stopped drinking. It felt sudden. I haven’t had cravings. I haven’t wanted a drink. In the two and a half years since, alcohol hasn’t tempted me at all. Given how far my drinking had progressed, it felt almost miraculous.
But with some distance, I’ve come to see something more clearly.
There was nothing spontaneous about my sobriety.
The moment itself may have been sudden, but the groundwork for it was laid over years.
The Work Behind the “Sudden” Change
I can’t point to one thing that made me stop drinking. There’s no single breakthrough moment, no neat explanation. What I can say is that I wanted to get sober more than anything, and I tried everything I could think of to make it happen.
I read constantly, looking for something that would finally click. I went to therapy and unpacked patterns I didn’t fully understand yet. I tried prescription medication. I explored acupuncture. I even saw a medium at one point, not because I believed they had the answer, but because I was desperate for clarity.
I joined a gym and hired a trainer, trying to rebuild some sense of discipline and physical strength. I joined an online men’s group for accountability. I went to AA meetings and listened to people who understood the struggle from the inside. I leaned on friends and family who wanted to see me get better. I journaled privately. Eventually, I started writing publicly about sobriety.
Each of these things mattered, even if I’ll never know exactly how.
The moment I stopped drinking didn’t come out of nowhere. It was the result of years of effort, failure, learning, and trying again.
Why “Spontaneous Sobriety” Misses the Point
The idea of spontaneous sobriety can be misleading. It suggests that someone woke up one day free from addiction, without effort or struggle. That wasn’t my experience.
What felt spontaneous from the outside was cumulative on the inside.
Sobriety, at least for me, wasn’t about one decisive act. It was about stacking effort on top of effort. Every book, every conversation, every attempt that didn’t work still counted. Even when it felt like nothing was changing, something was happening beneath the surface.
Eventually, all of that work reached a point where stopping felt possible.
Why I Tried Everything
When you’re desperate to get sober, you stop worrying about whether something looks sensible or respectable. You try what’s available. Some things stick. Others don’t. But none of it is wasted.
I don’t regret a single effort I made. Every attempt moved me closer to the person who could live without alcohol.
Looking back, I wasn’t just trying to quit drinking. I was slowly rebuilding myself into someone who no longer needed it.
What I Want You to Know
If you’re struggling to get sober, don’t wait for the perfect solution. There probably isn’t one.
Sobriety isn’t about finding the right answer. It’s about continuing to make the effort, even when the effort doesn’t seem to be working yet.
You may not know when things will shift. For me, it happened on an ordinary Monday in May. The day itself wasn’t special. Everything that led up to it was.
Keep Going
I share this not because I have the answers, but because I know how hard it is to keep trying when nothing seems to change.
If you’re still in it, keep reading. Keep talking. Keep building support. Keep trying the things that feel uncomfortable or unfamiliar.
You don’t need to know which effort will be the one that works. You just need to keep making the effort.
Sobriety isn’t spontaneous. It’s persistent.
For me, the moment came on May 16, 2022. For you, it may be closer than you think.
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